When I’d go to him for help, he’d say, What? You can’t stop? What are you, a dope fiend? He didn’t know what help to give me. The whole thing was crazy. We were going to get a divorce.

I told myself, God, I have this problem, and I need your help. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to lose him. He was my first love. I had everything.

I said, I’m way beyond helping myself. I’m going to get help. I picked up the phone book. I called all these places. All they could tell me was, Do you have any insurance? No, I don’t have any insurance. Well, I’m sorry we can’t take you. I said, Well, I have MediCal. No, we don’t take MediCal. I called over forty places.

I’m thinking, Well, I need help. I finally got ahold of Recovering Addicts Anonymous. I said, How do I know if I’m a dope fiend? She said, You mean addict. I knew I wasn’t bad, I just knew I was an addict. I knew I had a sickness.

Every day of my life I will fight it. I will always fight it. I would rather fight than lose. That’s like saying, Take my baby, take my husband, take my wonderful life, take what I do have, take the roof over my head, the clothes on my back, take it all—’ cause that’s what going to end up happening, and that scares me to death.

—Theresa

* MediCal is California’s equivalent of Medicaid, a program to provide state-funded medical services for people with low incomes.